Soft Border Patrol
On that stretch of land where the EU meets the UK, the Soft Border Patrol, backed by governments in London, Dublin, Belfast and Brussels, monitors those caught between a rock and a soft place.
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Does a plank across a stream constitute an illegal border crossing? Is chorizo still legal in Northern Ireland? Thankfully the SBP are here to provide information and clarification.
The SBP are alert and ready to deal with any border situation. These include deciding if an abandoned fish is a Free State fish or property of the Queen, the Continuity Nine County Sovereignty Committee striving to unify the nine counties of Ulster and identifying animals by their accents. They also deal with a hen party whose Greek member does not have her passport and a report of a tourist from the Continent urinating in a bush.
Complex territorial issues addressed by the independent organisation monitoring the thin dotted line between the EU and the UK. The Patrollers carry out a suspiciously lengthy strip-search on a smuggler, dispose of some controlled explosives with a controlled explosion, and suffer some contentious fallout from a visit to a Mexican restaurant. Meanwhile, the 'virtual border' gets a real grilling from a BBC reporter.
